How to Manage Loneliness During the Holidays: A Therapist’s Guide
By Dr. Quinnett Swank, EdD, Marriage and Family Therapist - Intern
If the holidays feel lonely for you, I want you to hear this clearly: you’re not broken, and you’re not doing it wrong.
A lot of people experience holiday loneliness and don’t talk about it because it can feel embarrassing, or because everyone else seems so cheerful. But loneliness during the holidays is incredibly common, especially if you’re grieving, going through a life transition, navigating complicated family relationships, or simply feeling disconnected.
This post will walk you through why loneliness can hit harder this season, what it can look like, and a few grounded ways for coping with loneliness during the holidays that don’t require you to fake joy.
Why Holiday Loneliness Shows Up for So Many People
The holidays come with a lot of emotional noise. Even if you’re usually okay, this season can bring things to the surface.
Here’s why holiday loneliness often intensifies:
The pressure is intense. There’s an expectation that you should feel grateful, connected, and happy no matter what’s going on in your real life.
Comparison is everywhere. Social media, family photos, holiday cards can make it feel like everyone else has the life you’re supposed to have.
Loss feels louder. If someone is missing through death, distance, divorce, or estrangement, the holidays tend to spotlight that absence.
Family can be complicated. Some people feel lonelier around family because the relationships don’t feel emotionally safe, warm, or supportive.
Your life might not match the script. If you’re a new mom, single, newly divorced, living far away, caregiving, or burnt out, the perfect holiday narrative can feel isolating.
None of this means you’re failing. It means your emotions are responding to a season that can be heavy.
How Holiday Loneliness Can Affect Your Mental and Emotional Health
Loneliness isn’t just sadness. It can show up in your thoughts, your body, and your day to day choices.
Common ways holiday loneliness can show up:
Feeling down, numb, or emotionally flat
Crying more easily or feeling like you can’t cry at all
Feeling anxious before gatherings, or relieved when plans cancel
Thoughts like “No one really wants me there” or “I don’t belong”
Dreading certain dates because they carry memories
Pulling away from people because it feels easier than explaining
Using food, alcohol, work, or scrolling to get through the day
If you relate to any of this, here’s a gentle reframe: these responses aren’t proof you’re weak. They’re often your mind trying to protect you from more hurt. They’re signals, not failures.
Supportive Ways to Cope With Loneliness During the Holidays
When it comes to coping with loneliness during the holidays, think small and realistic. You don’t need a complete life overhaul. You need support that fits your actual capacity.
1) Name what’s true, without judging it
Try saying: “I feel lonely right now, and it makes sense.”
That simple honesty can reduce the shame that often makes loneliness feel worse.
2) Choose one doable moment instead of forcing a whole holiday vibe
Pick one thing that feels manageable:
Coffee with one person you trust
A short walk with music
A simple meal you enjoy
A small tradition you create for yourself
One steady moment can be more helpful than a full day of pretending.
3) Make connection easier by lowering the pressure
Reaching out doesn’t have to be a big emotional conversation. Try:
“Hey, I’ve been thinking of you. How are you?”
“Want to take a walk this week?”
“Do you have time for a quick coffee soon?”
Connection doesn’t have to be deep to be supportive. It just has to be real.
4) Set boundaries that protect your peace
If family gatherings are draining or tense, you’re allowed to set limits:
Arrive late or leave early
Drive your own car
Bring a supportive person
Take breaks outside or in another room
Say no to certain events
Boundaries are not rejection. They’re self respect.
5) Create a comfort plan for the hardest hours
Loneliness often spikes at certain times, like late at night, quiet mornings, right after a gathering, or on the actual holiday.
Make a short list of things that help you feel calmer:
A warm shower and cozy clothes
A comfort show
Journaling for 5 minutes
A guided meditation
Movement, even a short walk
Texting someone safe
The goal isn’t to fix your feelings. It’s to support yourself while you move through them.
6) Redefine the season to fit your life this year
You don’t have to do the holidays the way you’ve always done them.
Ask yourself:
What do I want to keep this year?
What do I want to let go of?
What would feel meaningful for me, without performing?
Sometimes healing looks like simplifying. Sometimes it looks like doing things differently on purpose.
How Therapy Can Help You Feel More Connected and Supported
If holiday loneliness is a recurring theme, especially if it comes with anxiety, grief, relationship pain, or self doubt, therapy can be a steady place to work through what’s underneath it.
In therapy for loneliness, you can:
Process grief and loss, including the kind people don’t always recognize
Explore relationship patterns and attachment wounds
Work on boundaries so connection feels safer
Build coping tools that fit your life
Strengthen your sense of self so you feel less alone internally
Loneliness often isn’t just about being alone. It’s about feeling unseen or unsupported. Therapy can help you change that over time, in a way that lasts.
If This Season Feels Heavy, You Don’t Have to Do It Alone
If you’re dealing with holiday loneliness, please don’t shame yourself for it. And don’t assume you have to push through on your own.
If you want support with coping with loneliness during the holidays, I invite you to schedule a consultation using the Book a Consultation button. We can talk about what you’re carrying, what you need, and how to help you feel more grounded and supported this season and beyond.
Until next time. Take care!
Dr. Quinnett
About Dr. Quinnett
I’m Dr. Quinnett Swank, a Marriage and Family Therapist Intern in Las Vegas, Nevada. I specialize in working with adult men and women who feel stuck in anxiety, relationship stress, life transitions, and trauma-informed patterns that keep repeating. I also offer couples therapy as a secondary service for partners who want support improving communication, repairing conflict, and rebuilding connection. I provide in-person therapy in Las Vegas and virtual sessions across Nevada.
Ready for support that helps you feel grounded and connected again?
Important Note: This blog post is for educational purposes and isn't intended to replace professional mental health care. If you're experiencing severe anxiety, panic attacks, or thoughts of self-harm, please reach out to your healthcare provider or call 988 for immediate support.
